Delusional

So much to say so little time

Might make a personal tumblr

There will be very few that get this password.
And its because i need to not repeat my self.
And i need a out let for a select few who can help me.
These people will not realize how they can , they just will
Things have come to much. i have become to sick
I think i may be going away for a while.
Because it is a bit much this life.
I dont know if it will be forever
I dont expect anyone to wait for me to return
I just know i want to disappear.

It may not happen.
this may be to hard.
everything i do is so fucking hard
I cant do anything but think of others and there feelings
I can feel my chest crush like 20 cars are stacked straight up on top of my chest
Its hard to breath
i almost vomit quite alot.
My mind is going from blank, to over thinking, to wanting to run in to a car
To wanting to jump off a bridge in to a oncoming truck
To throwing everything i have at something so i can break it.
To not understanding why i am alive
To not understanding how am i worth anything.
To not knowing why i am not good enough.
I feel a deep, deep pain, every time i think.
My throat blocks up a bit almost as if i have someone choking me everytime.
My toes curl downwards. My body feels numb.
Then it all goes away. My chest and tummy. feel like nothing.
the thoughts are changed.
and im at rest for a short time.

To long since i have remembered things. things i usally forget.
I use to never remember little details.
Or even big ones.
i used to never remember anything.

I feel stronger.
More alive.
Feel as if i have a life.
A reason to push.
All from this.
Never forget. Never regret. Never leave. Never give up. Never be stupid again.